hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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