Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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