Are we in a gay sports bar?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
