Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
