I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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