NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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