dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize