two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
