i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
