I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just forgot I was standing up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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