last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We had to coat check the pizza.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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