bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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