I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
