we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
