haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
