No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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