take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
