Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
