My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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