just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
