i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
