I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
