I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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