Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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