I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
