Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
