Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
