Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
