the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
