I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I love you. Go after that dick
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
