Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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