my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
