There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
