Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
