You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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