remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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