Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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