I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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