Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize