I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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