his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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