Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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