3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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