she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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