i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
