I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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