My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
