haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
