I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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