i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
