i wish my penis had a tongue
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
