im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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