He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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