Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize