My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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