Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
