that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
