I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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