I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
