well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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