My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
