He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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