I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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