I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
