I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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