I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
