i just had sex bonerless
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
