id be glad to
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
