haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I faked an abortion last night.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Green mimosas i think yes
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
