If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
