you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
