Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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