When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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