I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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