Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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