I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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