if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
