After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
