I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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