I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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