So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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