i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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