i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
