he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
