ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
