i don't like sucking hair
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize