I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
