Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
