that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
