apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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