you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
