He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
