I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
