I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
