she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
