I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
