don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
