apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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