it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
