i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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